Time Flu would be less embarrassing
by Braveheart57
Summary: Even Time Lords get constipated.


The Doctor yawned, putting on his coat, and grabbing his sonic sunglasses, and screwdriver. He stretched one final time, grabbing a glance in the mirror. As he stepped towards the mirror, he felt the heaviness of his step and the twitch of his bladder, telling him it had been 3 days since his last trip to the loo, and as dictated by his Time Lord biology, his body wanted another one. He smiled contently. His morning trips to the loo were becoming a quite enjoyable habit for the Doctor, starting as a necessity, considering his unpredictable schedule.

The Doctor walked out of his room and down the hall to the loo. On the way, his stomach gave off a rumble not associated with hunger. The signal was clear. _Has it been 5 days already?_, the Doctor mused to himself in slight surprise.

He walked into the toilet and unzipped. He sighed with relief as he urinated. He washed his hands, then pulled down his trousers and pants, ready to get some poop out of him. Nothing happened. He pushed again. Nothing. He then pushed to the point of groaning loud enough that anyone in the control room would have heard him. It was hopeless. The Doctor sighed in resignation and pulled up his trousers. The Doctor was constipated.

Planning to get a laxative from the sickbay, the Doctor walked into the control room expecting Nardole. Instead, Bill was there.

"Good morning Doctor!", she greeted happily.

"Bill. You're up early.." the Doctor said, surprised.

"Yeah, I know, I'm just so excited for another trip. So where are we going this time?" Bill asked.

The Doctor shivered internally at the word "trip". As much as he didn't mind it, he was quite familiar with the TARDIS' tendency to throw its passengers around, and getting his abdominal muscles pummeled didn't really sound all that appealing. He could, of course, get his laxative after setting coordinates, coming up with some excuse to Bill, but that would require putting all adventures, especially the middle ages, on hold.

"Actually, Bill... I'm sorry, but there won't be a trip today. I'm not feeling so good." the Doctor explained, which wasn't technically a lie.

"Oh. What's wrong, have got time flu or something?" Bill asked, now a bit concerned.

"No, there's no such thing as time flu. I'm fine, it's just my stomach's a bit wobbly."

"Eaten some bad food?" Bill guessed.

"I don't know. Anyway, I'll just get a remedy from the TARDIS, maybe I'll be feeling better later today," replied the Doctor. After he said this, however, a slight pain resonated through his gut, making him have to lean on the console with a slight groan. Bill heard and got suspicious. Nevertheless, she left the TARDIS.

As soon she left, Nardole entered, hearing the door close.

"Was that Bill? Why'd she leave?"

"Because I told her to." The Doctor answered.

"Why?"

"None of your business!", The Doctor snapped heading for the sickbay. Nardole took another path, stopping the Doctor in the corridor.

"It is my business since it's my job to take care of you. Why'd you kick out Bill?" Nardole asked, folding his arms, looking seriously at the Doctor.

"I have a problem, that I don't want her to know about." the Doctor answered.

Nardole rolled his eyes, and the Doctor sighed, knowing it was based on the consequences of the last time he hid a problem from Bill, his blindness.

"It's different." the Doctor insisted.

"Alright. What's the problem? What's going on?" Nardole asked.

"I'm constipated," he answered plainly.

Nardole nodded in understanding, reminding him to do what he was heading to the sickbay to do; get a laxative, and left.

The Doctor got the laxative and walked to his room to wait for it to work.

As soon as the Doctor steps into the bathroom to relieve his condition, Bill walks back into the TARDIS. The moans from the morning were now replaced by equally loud sounds of splattering Time Lord waste and flatulence. To the Doctor it was euphoric. Mainly because he didn't know Bill was there.

Bill got quite a surprise being greeted by the noise coming from the toilet. She walked towards the bathroom, and knocked on the door asking, "Nardole?", remembering him putting the downstairs toilet out of use the first time they met. The sound made it so the Doctor didn't hear her, thankfully.

In the console room, Bill called Nardole, to make sure it was him. Nardole picked up.

'Hello?' he greeted her.

' I'm guessing you're not on the toilet, right now?' Bill guessed, hoping he wasn't..

'Of course not. That would be very unsanitary' he answered. Bill thanked him and hung up. It was now that she had no doubt. It was the Doctor who was making the self-explanatory noises. The facts of the Doctor's true "illness" dawned on her, and she laughed. The Doctor was then immediately confronted by Bill Potts in his TARDIS. He blushed, knowing she must have heard him.

"Feel better? Got it all out of you?" Bill asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, much better now. I'll go find us a good trip destination" the Doctor answered, managing a slight smile before heading to the console to avoid having to look her in the eyes, during his embarrassment.

"Great. Just remember this alright? Everybody poops, and we all get problems with it. Even Time Lords. Can't argue against that, you just proved it to me. You can tell me these things, I would never judge you. Got it?" Bill said assuringly.

"Yes," he replied, smiling brightly, still blushing, his eyes shining brightly at the comforting remarks. The End.


End file.
